Look Within – You Are The Secret


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We have a world full of knowledge, full of information but we have lost our human connection, the social and spiritual connection that we need.  Intensity grows out of intimacy. Intimacy starts with validation.

Joy starts with each one of us opening our heads and our hearts to what can be in our lives, in our work, in our world.  If not now, when?


Most of us wonder why the populations in the world who seem to have the greatest mobility and most material possessions are suffering from the yoke of despair and depression.  If you wonder what lack of joy is doing to your life, ask yourself how many times you shared laughter today, or really felt a sense of deep accomplishment and meaning.


What is drying up our joy?  There are many things, but one of the greatest joy busters is invalidation.  Why invalidation?  Because, we are human beings not human doings.  We need to be independent and interdependent.  We need to feel a sense of love and of contribution.  If either are missing we are sad, we are defeated we are joyless.

Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, control or diminish someone’s feelings. Constant invalidation may be one of the most significant reasons a person with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life. A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotional brain– one of nature’s most basic survival tools. To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will likely be seriously, and perhaps permanently, impaired. The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult.

A post Korean war study was done by Major William E. Mayer, the army’s chief psychiatrist. of 1,000 POWS who had been in North Korean prisoner of war camps.  The POW’s were not subject to physical torture, rather they were subject to constant negativity, to invalidation that resulted in a 38% POW death rate the highest in US history.  Invalidation kills and is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse.  It kills confidence, creativity, individuality….and if we do not find a way to re-validate our individual and collective lives and to connect with our humanity it will slowly erode all that we have built into a tower of sand.

The solution that we seek in our lives, in our work and in our world does not lie outside us but within us.
  We each have the power to move past invalidation by igniting the power of our heart to touch our mind and infuse our life and the lives of others with validation and joy.

All the major religions and philosophies speak to a universal code of morals and ethics, a platform of vision and value.
  This week I would like to share one with you from the Hindu tradition, as it has a timeless message that speaks to us all.


There is an ancient Hindu legend told in India.


There was a time when all men were gods.  But they so abused their divinity that Brahma, the supreme creator, decided to deprive them of their divine power, and hide it in a place where it would be impossible to find.  The problem was to find a suitable hiding place.


When the minor gods were called upon to a meeting to resolve the problem, they made the following proposition:  Hide the power of divinity somewhere in the earth and find it.  But Brahma refused, saying, “No it is too easy.  Someone will dig into the earth and find it.”

So the gods replied, “In that case, hid it in the depts. of the ocean.”

But Brahma refused once again, saying, “No because sooner or later people will explore all the regions of the ocean.  They will surely find it and bring it back to the surface.”


So the gods concluded that they were not able to find a place on land or in the sea where the power of divinity would be safe from man.

Then Brahman said, “Here’s what we will do with the power of divinity; we’ll hide it in the very depths of man himself, because that is the only place he will never think of looking.”


Since that time many has explored the surface of the earth and the oceans depths looking for something that can be found only in himself.”


Joy starts with each one of us opening our heads and our hearts to what can be in our lives, in our work, in our world.  If not now, when?

© Irene Becker www.justcoachit.com

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